Strike A Pose
by Rhiannon A. Christy
Summary: The morning after Stark's New Year's Eve party, Darcy is hungover after having her world turned upside down, Clint eats cold pizza and wishes the world would swallow him whole, and Tony... well Tony is a little shit.


If there was one advantage to living in Avengers Tower, Darcy thought it was the legendary Stark parties she got to attend. If there was one disadvantage it was the legendary Stark parties.

Darcy leaned fully back in the couch, her head cradled by what was left of her five-hundred up-do that Pepper insisted she have done. She groaned as a pounding much like that of Frost-Giant sized jackhammer proceeded behind her eyes. With as much money and as many geniuses Tony had working for him she thought he should have created an anti-hangover cure already.

"I told you to quit it after the vodka." Tony laughed as he maneuvered through the common room with as much grace as many runway model.

Darcy thought she just might hate him.

"It is practically sacrilegious not to ring in the New Year with champagne." Alright, so maybe she shouldn't have drank with Nat beforehand, and ok, the shots of Grappa Bucky had dared her to take probably had been a monumental mistake. Still, she hadn't been the worst off the night before.

"True." Tony leaned against the bar and reached behind for a bottle of scotch he had left there a few hours before.

"How is it that you are actually still functioning? You've had what, two hours sleep and who knows how much to drink." Sometimes she really wondered if Tony wasn't actually part machine himself.

"I had most of my blood replaced with scotch years ago." Tony winked at Darcy and took a long pull from his glass. Admittedly, he could really sleep for the next few days, he wasn't as young as he used to be…mores the pity. He would still be curled up with Pepper in bed if it wasn't for one thing… "So, have you seen Hawkass yet?"

"I haven't actually seen him since he rushed me at midnight." Darcy had always hated being single on New Years, it was almost as bad as Valentines. There was just about nothing worse than being the only one standing around at midnight looking like a looser while everyone kissed. Or what was worse was the pity friend cheek-kiss. She had been on the receiving end of one of those far too many times.

This year though she had been looking forward to it. She had promises from both Bucky and Steve that they would give her a kiss, and hell she was sure by the ornery looks they gave her it wouldn't be no wimpy-ass peck on the cheek. The only thing was when the countdown was over and she had her arms full of drop-dead gorgeous super-soldiers, she found herself pushed up against the wall and one very drunk archer attached to her mouth. It still perplexed her, mostly when right after kissing the ever living fuck out of her, he pulled back, said sorry and ran off. She hadn't seen hide nor hair of him after that.

"I still can't believe he actually did that. Damn, I owe Bruce a fifty." Good thing he hadn't bet that extra twenty feet of lab space he had originally offered.

"What do you mean you owe Bruce? Did you guys dare Clint to kiss me? I swear to Valhalla Tony, if this was all just some stupid prank I will castrate all of you with a goddamned rusty spoon!" The kiss might have been unexpected, but it sure as hell wasn't unwanted. She had been crushing on the man pretty much since she moved into the tower. Of course it probably had a bit to do with the fact that the day she moved in Clint had ran into her rooms soaking wet and naked and pleaded with her to lie to the Black Widow about his whereabouts when she came asking. Even though she about had a heart-attack she had done it because…well she had a hot naked man in her rooms and she didn't want to lose the view too soon, and well she was seriously scared that the Widow would actually tear off his dick, and that would have been a shame.

"Don't get your panties in a knot, that kiss was one-hundred percent Lover-boy's idea. Though it did seem like he needed a lot of liquid courage." Tony found it sort of funny, how the two were dancing around one another. Everyone in the tower had been wondering when one of them would break. Tony was actually disappointed in Darcy, he had his money that it would be her to make the first move.

"That makes me feel positively ecstatic, the man had to get drunk to kiss me….wonderful." Darcy ran her hands over her face, pressing the heels of her palms into her eyes as she passed them. None of this was happening, not a single thing. Last night she was supposed to have had two smoking hot kisses and maybe a wild night back with Bucky, if things had gone ideally, and this morning she was supposed to wake up and be over her silly little crush on Clint. Instead she was flung across the common room couch where she had passed out the night before and thinking about how it felt to be pinned to the wall by the afore mentioned man. It all sucked huge, fucking hairy balls.

"Only because he is stupid….and blind. If the idiot had been paying attention he would have realized that he could have had your panties dropping if he had just walked in your door." Seriously, it was so obvious that even Steve could see it.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Darcy grabbed one of the couch throw pillows behind her, frowning when she didn't hear the sound of glass crashing. Sadly her mad skills were somewhat lacking when she was hungover. "And what the fuck are you doing up anyway? Pepper promised everyone she would keep you locked in your room for the rest of the day."

"My tower. Anyway, I would never think to miss the show." Tony wiggled his brows and tossed back the rest of his drink. The oblivious couple might have cost him the bet, but he figured the show that he was about to witness would make up for it. He looked to the clock and smiled, as long as Hawkwad continued with his normal hangover routine everything should start in ten minutes.

"What the fuck are you talking about? What show?" Darcy didn't think she had cursed this much before moving to the tower, but there was just something about Tony that made the word 'fuck' necessary in day to day conversation.

"The one about to start in….." He looked down at his wrist and tapped the face of his watch that he thankfully hadn't taken off the night before. He started to countdown, but before he got two words out a very disheveled Clint Barton trudged into the room. "Well, now actually."

Darcy groaned and tried to hide herself between the cushions of the couch. Not that it mattered as Clint walked right by her in what could only be described as a zombie walk, and straight to the mini fridge behind the bar.

"I don't know what the fuck you are talking about Stark, but do me a favor and shut up." Clint pulled out a box from the fridge and immediately dug into it. He trudged his way into the living area with a piece of pizza in each hand and one hanging from his mouth, and flopped down in one of the many overstuffed chairs.

"No, no I don't think I will. You and your little stunt last night cost me money, so I think it is only fair that I terrorize you for a little compensation." Tony felt a smile stretch from ear to ear. He was really going to enjoy this.

"My…my stunt? I…aheam, I don't know what you are talking about." Clint set all of the pizza slices on the little lamp table, completely ignoring Tony's squawk of outrage at getting grease on what was surely a million-dollar piece of finely crafted crap.

Darcy groaned even more. It was just her luck that he would forget. The man of her dreams gives her the kiss of her fucking life and he doesn't even remember it. Yeah, that was about right.

Clint's eyes went wide as he heard the groan come from the pile of blankets and mussed-up hair on the couch. Goddamnit! He had been hoping to avoid her for a while, by that meant the rest of his life. Which after everything that happened the night before he hoped it would be soon.

"Um…uh, mornin' Darcy." He winced, that wasn't as carefree as he had hoped it would sound. How did the others do it? Act like they hadn't just done the biggest fuck up of their lives?

"Hey." Darcy poked her head out until she was looking at the man through tangled bangs. "Cold pizza? How old are you?" That's right, act like nothing happened the night before. Darcy could do that, just pretend like her world hadn't been turned upside down and inside out. Of course a quick glance back at a gleefully smirking Tony told her that he wouldn't let her pretend for long.

"Don't tell me you actually heat up leftover pizza? That's just… wrong. Might actually be against the law." Clint made a point by ripping into one of the slices of pizza. This was not how he had expected their next meeting to go, but as long as she wasn't going to tear his heart out and serve it to him he could work with it.

"You two done with your little dance of avoidance? Cause I've got to say it isn't even remotely entertaining." It figured that those two would take the 'elephant in the room' approach. Thankfully he had something even better up his sleeve.

"It's a good thing we are not here for your amusement." Darcy turned around this time when she flung the pillow. Sadly she still missed, though it was more because Tony saw it coming and simply stepped aside.

"And yet you do anyway." Tony leaned back against the bar, arm coming up to play with the large yellow envelope sitting on top. "And speaking of amusement and embarrassing photos…"

Clint dropped the half eaten slice of pizza in his hand, choking as he waved frantically at Tony. He couldn't have…. How had he…. Oh Fuck! Jarvis! He was going to dismantle that metal menace piece by fucking piece.

"What the fuck are you going on about, Stark?" Darcy looked back and forth between the two men in the room. She had expected Tony to take the piss out of them for the kiss the night before, not… well whatever this was. Had someone taken a picture of them? Actually, she was sure of that… oh the wonders of modern technology. Still, she wasn't sure that it would be embarrassing enough to cause Clint to react like he was.

"Oh, just that our resident Robin Hood here decided to get into some amateur photography with some very interesting, and mind scarring results." There were some things that one shouldn't ever see or know of their teammates, and just about every one of them he had been exposed to the night before. He would need gallons of brain bleach to fix it… or you know, just embarrassing the fuck out of the couple in front of him.

"Tony, I swear if you even think about it I will use your clothing for target practice. Starting with the band shirts." Clint had gotten himself under control, the choking bit at least, he wasn't sure his anger was anywhere near controlled. He had done some stupid stuff while drunk; case a point, the kiss. But what happened after…. Well that was beyond stupid and he had hoped that Jarvis would have had the presence of mind, or processor, to erase everything he had done and never speak of it again. He should have realized that in the end, Jarvis was still Tony's creation.

"I'm shaking in my boots. Here…" Tony picked up the envelope from the table and tossed it towards Darcy. As expected Clint, even hungover, flung himself out of the chair and caught it. Tony just shook he head and pulled another envelope from his jacket and tossed it to Darcy before Clint realized what was happening.

"Stark, what the fuck… Fuck! Darcy No…." Clint leaned over the back of the couch, arms waving about as he tried to get ahold of the incriminating evidence. Of course Darcy was a little shit sometimes, which admittedly was one of the things he loved about her, and she held the package away from him and skipped away from him. Or rather did this weird hop and trip thing, but still she was out of his reach and opening the stupid thing.

Darcy laughed, and very quickly opened the envelope before Clint realized that he could just walk around the couch and take it from her. Her laughter stopped though as she looked down and was confronted with… was that Clint doing the Kim Kardashian ass shot?

"Um… what am I looking at?" Darcy looked over the picture in front of her, realizing that what she actually held was a calendar, and flicked to the first page. Oh, that was definitely a naked Clint with his bow and using a very interesting arrow.

"It seems as though in his plan to woo you, Hawkass here decided that he would impress you with a bit of charity work. According to Jarvis, he thought a sexy Avengers calendar would be a perfect way to raise money. Only he ended up being every Avenger." The guy really should be thanking him as he had stopped Jarvis from printing more than one and having them sent out.

"Oh God, kill me now." Clint sank down to the floor with his back to the couch and his face hidden in his hands. He couldn't remember much from after he kissed her, but he remembered enough to know that what she was now looking at could beat the scandal of all scandals if it ever got out.

Darcy gawked as she turned page after page. It was nothing but nudie pictures of Clint dressed up as his teammates. For being drunk off his ass he had done a pretty good job. He had painted himself green and wore a pair of Hulk hands that she knew he owned just to annoy Bruce, he had somehow found a red wig and squeezed himself into one of Nat's cat-suits… Nat was sure to kill him for that. The Cap one was probably her favorite; the flag worn like a cape with a toy shield trying, and failing, to cover his… um flag pole. The worst though was probably Thor. In absence of Mew-Mew he had found a real hammer… and well she was pretty sure he would be sore today from the looks of what he had done with it. How was he even walking straight?

"You know, I kind of like it." Darcy flipped back to the Cap one, a smile lifting up one corner of her lips. It had been put as the picture for her month too.

"You what?!" Booth Clint and Tony gaped at Darcy as she flipped back and forth between pictures, stopping every now and then to turn the picture and examine it closer.

"Oh yeah, who wouldn't want something like this. I'm going to tack it up next to my bed." Darcy bit her lip as Tony continued to stare at her with an open mouth and Clint went bright red, which she found very cute. Though the look in his eyes was anything but. It made her heart race.

"But you weren't supposed to…what?" This wasn't the way it was supposed to go. He figured Darcy would burst out laughing, instead…instead he realized he should probably go before one of two things happened: Hawkeye killed him, or the couple jumped each other right on his couch.

"What, women can't like porn? Such naivety, you should ask Pepper about her collection. Maybe you can find some tips." What was it about guys? She had been watching and reading porn since she had been a teenager. Hell, in college she started writing her own.

"P-Pepper? Uh…"

Darcy laughed, rolled up her calendar and walked over to take Clint's hand. The guy was still standing there, blush all but gone, and staring at her like he was about to eat her. They really needed to get out of there.

"Come on Clint, wanna help me nail this up?" Darcy continued to laugh as Clint began to practically drag her out of the room, leaving a gapping Tony behind. Though just as she got to the hallway, she stopped and turned back. "This is the only copy, right?"

"Yeah, I stopped Jarvis from having the entire order printed up."

"Good." Darcy winked and turned back towards a very impatient Clint. Damn, seriously one of the best things about living in the tower were the Stark parties, hands down.

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><p>Author's Note: Ah… so I had been playing around on Tumblr and happened to come across several of the pieces of art with Clint in overly sexualized positions and the first thing that popped into my head was that Clint should get drunk and make a nudie calendar….I don't know why, but it did so here you go.<p>

**Disclaimer:****All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**


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